Porcupine Racetrack
Possibly the greatest skit in the history of The State. A musical about a Porcupine Racetrack. It really doesn't get much better than this, unless you memorize the lyrics after watching the skit over 100 times and sing along when playing the skit for others:
All parts are sung unless otherwise noted
Scene moves to a priest, alone on the grounds.
All parts are sung unless otherwise noted
Rich couple walking down stadium steps.GROUP Porcupine, porcupine, porcupine racetrack
Porcupine, porcupine, porcupine racetrack
Porcupine, porcupine, porcupine racetrack
Watch them porcupines go!
Go little porcupines, go go go!
Go little porcupines, don't be slow!
Go little porcupines, go go go!
DRUNK GUY Or I'll lose lots of dough.
The scene moves to a bunch of guys on the racing grounds in front of a chalkboard.RICH GUY It's a marvelous day at the Porcupine Racetrack.
We'll watch them little porkies run.
The sun, the track, and porcupines.
RICH GUY'S WIFE A recipe for fun
Mr. Johnson flips Jimmy a coin, who puts it in his mouth and bites it to make sure it's real.JIMMY [spoken]
Racing form Mr. Johnson?
MR. JOHNSON [spoken]
Why thank you Jimmy. Here, go get yourself a licorice whip
Fast paced music starts. "Jimmy" dances, freezes his last dance move and falls over for his grand finale. It must be noted that doing this dance really is my specialty.BOOKIE Have I got a pick for you boys!
This porcupine has to win.
GROUP Yeah!
BOOKIE He's strong and fast and ready.
GUY READING PAPER WITH DEEP VOICE And loaded up with gin.
GUY MAKING A BET I'm putting my dough on Lightning, cause it says that he's a sure thing
And the odds are 5 to 4.
But boy I hope that he's not slow or
otherwise then this here Joe will be back on skid row!
Scene moves to a priest, alone on the grounds.
Priest falls to his knees, pulls out his ticket and looks up at the skyPRIEST I know that I'm a sinner,
but I really need a winner,
or the orphanage will close.
We now see a lone porcupine, walking along the groundsPRIEST So God if you're above,
and it's orphans that you love,
then please help the porcupine I chose.
Camera pans out to show entire racetrack and all charactersSLOWEST PORCUPINE IN TOWN I'm the slowest porcupine in town,
but knowing that don't get me down
It's just that they don't see
So when they blow that whistle
I will move my little bristles
'Cause there's nothing
Stopping
Me!
At this point I fall to my knees drained from my performance and in tears after riding such an emotional rollercoaster. Tell me that this musical isn't Tony Award material! You can't, because you know that it is! If someone can write Bat Boy: The Musical based on Bat Boy's Adventures in the Weekly World News then they can certainly write a heart-wrenching tale full of life-lessons based around The Porcupine Racetrack! Someone, please, MAKE IT SO!GROUP At the porcupine
Porc-upine
Racetrack
Racetrack
Aaahh...
THE END
Labels: The State
6 Comments:
Jean Luc would be pleased!
UJ
This is very funny, but you definitely have too much time on your hands here! :o)
CA
http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/4795/ you can get the mp3 there, It might not work though.
this is my favorite state sketch also <3 thanks for putting up the lyrics
The dancing kid who falls at the end comes AFTER "be back on skid row!" not after he gets a coin for the racing form...
dep,
You are so right. I believe this has now been corrected in the script. Let me know if you think it's still not quite right. This is all being done from memory, and though I've seen the skit probably 100 times, it has been awhile since my last viewing.
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