I Love You, But I Hate You Too
I want to meet the man responsible for this handiwork; this complete dedication to toilet seat coverage when going #2. I've been preaching this sort of thing since high school. It's step 2 to the 5 Step Process! But this guy takes the coverage to a level beyond what I've ever even imagined. Look at that total coverage, not a speck of seat peeping through. His ass is well protected, as it should be.
He and I may be twin shitting souls, separated at birth.
Unfortunately, when we were separated at birth my mom taught me cleanliness and respect of others while he, I can only assume, was raised by monkeys. Where is the common courtesy of cleaning up after yourself for the next guy? Have you no decency, oh kindred spirit?! Flush! Flush the TP away when you're done! And stick around to make sure it all goes down to flush again if necessary!
::takes a breath:: I'm sorry. My emotions are getting the best of me. I should give Seat Protector the benefit of the doubt. He must just be very proud of his TP seat layering technique (and I certainly don't blame him). Maybe he is leaving his artistry behind to brag anonymously. Or better yet, maybe he's trying to educate the lost souls of the world who are shitting with bare ass on seat. A noble cause, but the execution is flawed. Impeccable hygiene is being confused for a complete lack thereof. Without proper guidance (a simple instruction manual left behind alongside the TP covering, perhaps), his efforts will reach nobody. Poor shitting technique will still be practiced across the world and I'll be left to clean up the perforated cotton mess.
No sir, I don't like it. Clean up after yourself! Stop giving proper TP seat protection a bad name! And for gosh darn sake, flush everything down when you're done!
He and I may be twin shitting souls, separated at birth.
Unfortunately, when we were separated at birth my mom taught me cleanliness and respect of others while he, I can only assume, was raised by monkeys. Where is the common courtesy of cleaning up after yourself for the next guy? Have you no decency, oh kindred spirit?! Flush! Flush the TP away when you're done! And stick around to make sure it all goes down to flush again if necessary!
::takes a breath:: I'm sorry. My emotions are getting the best of me. I should give Seat Protector the benefit of the doubt. He must just be very proud of his TP seat layering technique (and I certainly don't blame him). Maybe he is leaving his artistry behind to brag anonymously. Or better yet, maybe he's trying to educate the lost souls of the world who are shitting with bare ass on seat. A noble cause, but the execution is flawed. Impeccable hygiene is being confused for a complete lack thereof. Without proper guidance (a simple instruction manual left behind alongside the TP covering, perhaps), his efforts will reach nobody. Poor shitting technique will still be practiced across the world and I'll be left to clean up the perforated cotton mess.
No sir, I don't like it. Clean up after yourself! Stop giving proper TP seat protection a bad name! And for gosh darn sake, flush everything down when you're done!
Labels: bathrooms
3 Comments:
I still maintain that this technique is obviated in many cases by the presence of toilet seat covers; you just rip out the little dongle they provide that sort of hangs down into the toilet water if you're a two-flush man (and I am).
You always 2-flush? I save that second flush for only when necessary and don't consider it standard practice.
As for those toilet seat covers, I feel they are much better than nothing, but I'm never comfortable with them. They make a lot of noise, they slide a lot under my cheeks on the seat and they always seem to rip. Plus that dongle thing gets in the way, though I suppose I could just tear that out, as you suggest.
But if the option is no seat protection and these pre-made toilet seat covers, I of course will choose the pre-made stuff.
Your dilemna: whether to flush once (with all material, INCLUDING ANYTHING USED TO COVER THE TOILET SEAT, being flushed down in that one flush) or to flush twice (the second flush being devoted soley to the flushing of the toilet seat covering) dependends on if you are wearing any rings &/or wrist jewelery. No bling: flush it all in one flush. Ballin with bling: two flushes. This eliminates the possibility of having to retrieve any jewelery that may fall off during the process of disposing of the toilet seat covering from a "soiled" toilet... Oh, by the way, being an extreme sports kind of guy & a big risk taker I don't cover the toilet seat at all. I AM A MADMAN! ...that's how I roll!
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