The action of Subway Betting was started in
Pittsburgh shortly after I left
Carnegie Mellon University. Maybe someone can remember its exact origin - the first Subway bet even - but I think this is unimportant. What we really need to do is teach the world about Subway Betting and help them make bets on their own.
It's quite simple really -- in a normal wager one bets money on whether or not an action will occur:
Bettor: I'll bet you $5 that I can get that girl's number
Bettee: The one over at the bar on the end their in the little red dress?
Bettor: Yeah
Bettee: Sure, I'll take that bet. There is no way you'll get her number. She's way out of your league. You've got no chance. I mean, look at you - you're balding at the young age of 24, you've got a big nose, you're not that smooth really, and besides,
you look way too Jewish for her.
Bettor: Oh, I see how it is. You're such a dick. Do you really think all of this because I'll tell you something else - you're not so special either! I mean, look at those ears? Could they stick out any farther? And have you looked at your clothes lately?
Bettee: What's wrong with my clothes? I shop at B-Rep. This shirt cost me $75!
Bettor: Oh, get off your goddamn high horse already. You bought that shirt at Banana Republic 5 years ago and you wear it
everyday
Well, you get the idea. But with a Subway Bet, rather than bet actual money you bet foot long
Subway sandwiches. Let's take a look at the above example, only this time we'll recreate it with Subway Betting.
Bettor: You owe me 3 Subway if I can get that girl's number.
Bettee: 3? Alright, you're on - but there is no doubling the meat!
So if the bettor succeeds in getting this girl's number (and trust me, he won't), the the bettee owes 3 footlong Subway sandwiches to the bettor.
It is important to note a few things about Subway Betting:
- The bet can really be on anything - the above examples were based on one person performing an action. That type of bet is not uncommon (other actual examples: pouring water on a former student body president's chest; pouring beer on a DJ's table; getting your VW Golf up to 55 on 5th Avenue; asking a Subway Sandwich Artist whether the meat would be doubled linearly or exponentially if you double the meat on a sandwich and then double it again) but we also often bet on events out of our control: sporting events, random occurences. Really, just about anything.
- Unless specified, bets do not go "both ways." This means that in the above example, if the bettor does not get the girl's number, no Subway is exchanged. Usually, if there is to be a 2 way bet, it will be for two distinct outcomes of one event. For example, "You owe me 5 Subway if Tiger Woods wins the Masters." "Okay, but you owe me 5 if Vijay Singh wins."
- Unless specified, there is no doubling the meat when collecting your sandwich(es)
- Though we will more often bet by saying, "You owe me X Subway if..." you can also bet by saying, "I will give you X Subway if..."
Subway has become quite a commodity among my group of friends and I'm told that in Pittsburgh winnings are collected weekly. One person has even bet infinite Subway and lost. It has been said that a select group of people will do almost anything to win Subway. And I, young voters, can attest to this. Please, gather 'round as I tell you all the story of one
Parag Patel (a.k.a. "Sexy Little Otter," a.k.a. SLO) and his quest to win Subway.
Several months ago SLO and I went to
The 9:30 Club to see
The Super Furry Animals. Neither of us had ever seen them in concert, but SLO was a fan and I had enjoyed the few listens I had given the band while riding in SLO's
BMW 325xi. We got to the show pretty early and were standing around talking and making random Subway bets when SLO says to me, "You owe me Subway if we see anyone on stage in a yeti costume." He combines this with a laugh as if it is the most random thing he has ever heard, despite saying it himself. So I think about it and even though it feels like the odds of a yeti running on to the stage are pretty slim, there is always a chance. But what are the odds of
5 yetis running on to the stage? So I respond with an offer of 5 yetis. He tries to talk me down to 3 but I stick to my guns and eventually he accepts the 5 yeti bet.
The band comes on, does their thing, plays a grand finale and runs off the stage. There are 5 band members but only 4 run off the stage. The 5th guy was kind of a DJ but instead of record tables he had a computer and keyboards. He sits behind his computer for awhile creating all kinds of weird noises and we all wait patiently, thinking there was nothing more after he left.
And then it happened - before my very eyes I see several men run on to the stage in
yeti costumes, grab their instruments and start playing. SLO and I quickly count the yetis to find only 4 of them. I celebrate, SLO cries and the band plays on.
It turns out SLO knew the whole time that this was a possibility. In a few previous concerts the band had played entire shows in yeti costumes. SLO knew this information but kept it to himself when making the Subway bet. As deceptive as this is, SLO claims he was just "playing the odds." He'll do just about anything for Subway, I say.
But please, don't let SLO's dirty tricks turn you off from doing your own Subway Betting. In fact, you better get in on the Subway Betting Market as soon as possible before Subway replaces "money" as actual currency. Trust me, this is a definite possibility.
Labels: Subway
