The Mega Lie
Dear Mars, Incorporated:
You have made a grown man cry. You have brought a 26 year old man to tears simply by the sheer magnitude of the disappointment you have caused me.
What is it, you ask, that has caused such sadness in my heart? Oh, I think you already know. But just in case, let me be very direct: It's your new Mega M&Ms. Have you seen them? I know it seems silly to ask if you have actually seen a product that you produce but I ask again anyway: Have you seen your new Mega M&Ms? I don't think you have, because you certainly would have noticed that these aren't of a "mega" size. In fact, they are really only slightly larger than a regular M&M.
Mars people, I know what you're thinking right now. "You're exaggerating, Adam. It's 55% larger than a regular M&M. 55%! That's huge! You wouldn't want 'em any bigger!"
Oh, but I would.
In order, from left to right: a regular M&M, a "Mega" M&M, a peanut butter M&M and a peanut M&M. The Mega M&M is the second smallest M&M that you make!
It hurts to even think about how low I felt when I first saw that these were anything but "mega." But please, don't even worry about my sadness. No Mars, think of the children. Think of the boys and girls all over the world, opening Mega M&M packages, hoping for a candy that melts in neither their mouth nor their hand because it's just too dang big for either, only to have their little hearts broken by a surprisingly tiny piece of candy-coated chocolate. Don't let this disappointment continue. You have to do the right thing; make the Mega M&M truly "mega." For the children, Mars! For the children!
Update: It seems that Mars doesn't want you to know the truth!
You have made a grown man cry. You have brought a 26 year old man to tears simply by the sheer magnitude of the disappointment you have caused me.
What is it, you ask, that has caused such sadness in my heart? Oh, I think you already know. But just in case, let me be very direct: It's your new Mega M&Ms. Have you seen them? I know it seems silly to ask if you have actually seen a product that you produce but I ask again anyway: Have you seen your new Mega M&Ms? I don't think you have, because you certainly would have noticed that these aren't of a "mega" size. In fact, they are really only slightly larger than a regular M&M.
Mars people, I know what you're thinking right now. "You're exaggerating, Adam. It's 55% larger than a regular M&M. 55%! That's huge! You wouldn't want 'em any bigger!"
Oh, but I would.
In order, from left to right: a regular M&M, a "Mega" M&M, a peanut butter M&M and a peanut M&M. The Mega M&M is the second smallest M&M that you make!
It hurts to even think about how low I felt when I first saw that these were anything but "mega." But please, don't even worry about my sadness. No Mars, think of the children. Think of the boys and girls all over the world, opening Mega M&M packages, hoping for a candy that melts in neither their mouth nor their hand because it's just too dang big for either, only to have their little hearts broken by a surprisingly tiny piece of candy-coated chocolate. Don't let this disappointment continue. You have to do the right thing; make the Mega M&M truly "mega." For the children, Mars! For the children!
Update: It seems that Mars doesn't want you to know the truth!
Labels: food
