The Spork

Just in case you were worried, the spork lives on, currently taking up residence at your local Taco Bell.

The spork should not be confused with the knork, which is very quietly "revolutionizing over 1,000 years of dining."

Equal Justice Under Law, Except for Ants

That's me blogging from (approximately) the steps of the United States Supreme Court thanks to OpenPark.net. I guess it's rather timely to be here and I probably should have something deep to say. But I've got nothing except that this is a frustratingly unreliable Wi-Fi connection. And there are a lot of ants on this bench.

Where is the help for New Orleans?

For a moment (just a moment) I'm going to take a break from the humor and in collaboration with some friends, have a little brain storming session in the hopes to actually make a difference.

Why can't the government or the Red Cross figure out some reasonable ideas to help New Orleans get their citizens to higher ground? Why is Houston — over 350 miles away and a 6 hour bus trip one way — thought of as the only salvation? Why are people still stranded in the Superdome, on rooftops, in hotels? Where is the plan to get these people out of there?

So we have come up with some ideas. Maybe they are reasonable ideas. Maybe they are impossible ideas. Maybe making a list of ideas is pointless. I don't know. But these are actual ideas, which seem to be in short supply at the moment.

Who knows. Maybe we'll pass these ideas on to the right person and someone will listen to us. Or maybe we'll just vent our frustrations. Either way, we'll feel better.

So here goes

• TRAINS
  Can we get these people to a train station in a city near New Orleans? Trains seem like the quickest and most efficient way to get hundreds of people out of the city at once. Take them to Houston (if you must) or anywhere outside of New Orleans. But just get them to some trains and get them out of the damn city.
  
  
• BUSES
  School buses. Greyhound buses. Army buses. BUSES of any shape and color. Where are they?
  
  
• SCHOOLS
  Shut down schools in Louisiana for a week, a month, whatever it takes and bus the New Orleans citizens to these schools for shelter. HOUSTON IS FULL. People are being turned away at the door. I know it's not ideal to close schools but neither is having an entire city engulfed in water with more people dying every minute. Doesn't the Governor of Louisiana have some authority in a situation like this?
  
  
• COLLEGE CAMPUSES
  Lecture Halls, arenas, gymnasiums, dorm rooms. We need a place to send these thousands of people from New Orleans. Again, not convenient but it's doable. Did I mention that Houston is full?
• The Governor could ask (or demand) every city in Louisiana (that's still standing) to take 100 or 200 citizens for a few weeks. Tell them they are responsible for feeding and housing them. Each town has a library, town hall, school or YMCA that could house individuals for a time being.
  
  
• BOATS
  It's sounds silly but we need boats. People are stranded on roof tops, in hotels, in attics, in hospitals. We need all kinds of boats: big boats, small boats, row boats. Just like the buses, it doesn't matter what kind. It floats? Then it's a boat. Get out the communication out that we need boats. Have those boat owners report to a specific location with their boat and we'll go from there.
• Place a lead boat in a neighborhood and then drop 10 inflatable rafts into that area. The lead boat could then lead the 10 rafts to higher ground.
  
  
• COMMUNICATION
  Chaos has taken over New Orleans. You know why? Because even if there are things being done to save people, no one in the middle of it all knows about the help. Drop flyers, get people with bull horns, send smoke signals, do some kind of sky writing; it doesn't matter. If word gets out that help is on the way and people actually see it, calm will follow.
  
  
• OVERPASSES
  Let's utilize these overpasses for dry land. Land large military helicopters on the overpasses to pick up and take people to another location where there is actual food and clean water.
  
  
• NOT HOUSTON
  I just got off the phone with Houston. They're closed. "No mas." Besides, it's a 6 hour drive. SIX HOURS! Is that really the closest location?

If you have any ideas, post them in the comments and we'll pop 'em up on the main list. Seriously, even if no one reads this, you do feel a bit better after getting all this out. Try it yourself.