I Died For Your Enjoyment of a DQ Blizzard

Sent to me today, Christmas day:



Does Dairy Queen think I'm Jesus?

A New Day Dawns on Lotion

The lotions have survived the evening. I feel they have gained acceptance into the men's bathroom. They are officially part of the environment. Now people just need to use them.

Overnight I realized that if we were going to make real progress in the men's bathroom, if lotioning was going to become an accepted practice in a public space, things would need to be a little different than in the women's room. No fragrances, no frilly bottles, and we will need easy access so it's possible to lotion up with no one seeing you do it.

Enter Neutrogena Norwegian Formula Body Moisturizer. Look at that manly bottle, large and in charge. Fragrance free, so dudes in my office won't be walking around smelling like buttercups or lavender or other crap like that. And this stuff was first used by Norwegian fisherman! If men can moisturize in between battling man-eating sharks and angry narwhals while trying to catch fish for a living in the Arctic, then the men in my office can certainly be confident in their masculinity while they moisturize in between meetings and cups of coffee.

So now the option is there. We will all just have to wait and see if anyone uses it.

Live Blogging the Bathroom

Women's bathrooms are often different from men's. This is a fact that has recently come to my attention. And we're talking more than just that one tends to have urinals and the other does not.

For example, the couch disparity. Though not frequently, I have been told it is not surprising to find couches in women's restrooms (usually upscale or department store restrooms). As a guy, I know I have seen couches in our bathrooms, but I cannot remember the last time. In fact, it stretches my memory back so far that the last time might have been when I was a child young enough to be brought into the women's restroom with my mom.

Here at work I've learned that the entrance way to the women's restroom is carpeted. And in that entranceway there is a ledge and on that ledge are various beauty care products — moisturizers, lotions, hair sheen. In the men's room we got nothing!

Until today.

The office recently obtained two extra bottles of hand lotion that were going to be disposed of. Because I had whined about the separate but not equalness of the men's and women's restrooms in our office before, my coworkers decided I should place these lotions in the men's room. So I have done just that.

And now we sit and wait to see what happens. Will they get used? Will non-moisturizing men see the lotion and realize this is the cure to their flaky and cracked skin? Or maybe I'm underestimating the men in my building; maybe several of them already frequently moisturize and will truly appreciate the convenience of having lotions readily available for consumption in the restroom after washing their hands. However, it's also possible that these bottles will go untouched and will be thrown out by the janitorial service at the end of the day.

No matter the results, voteprime will be here all day, live-blogging the bathroom lotion activity!

• 11:05am  Two bottles of lotion have been placed on the ledge in the entranceway to the bathroom. I asked the women in our office and they told me this is where the sundries are placed in their restroom.
  
  Hmm? They seem sort of small there, almost too hard to notice. Especially since guys are not used to having the lotion option available. I almost feel I should add a sign, or a post-it.


• 12:28pm  There has been absolutely no movement on the bottles. I'm tempted to throw a sign up there. However, I don't want to jump the gun. There will be more traffic a few hours after lunch. And maybe the idea of lotion in the men's room is so foreign to a lot of these guys that it needs some time to sink in. A few trips in and out and people start to notice the bottles. Maybe later in the week when it is obvious the bottles are here to stay, a few dudes muster up the courage to moisturize. Today, a sign might be overkill. But maybe that's just what we need! I'm torn.
  
  For now, we continue to sit and wait.


• 1:13pm  Enough waiting. A sign has been added. "Feel Free to Use." Simple and clear. Plus, I realized a whole diatribe on how the women's restroom has this and I'm just trying to give us all equal opportunities would have not only been distracting, but there is no way I could have fit it all on a Post-it.
  
  I placed the note and sat down inside a stall (I had actual business to take care of). Almost immediately I heard someone walk in. I'd like to believe they paused a bit before going to a urinal. However, on his way out his footsteps were clearly aimed at leaving the restroom. There was no lotion to be had on that trip.
  
  So now more waiting.


• 1:31pm  No bathroom updates, but Voter Steve brings up a good point in the comments:
  It's certainly possible that the lotion goes unused because the guys fear that it's used, and/or because they're worried that people haven't given their hands a good washing before using it.
  This is an excellent point. Maybe I should add a bottle of hand sanitizer to the mix just to reassure everybody that this lotion operation is on the up-and-up.
  
  I bet the women's restroom already has hand sanitizer.


• 2:35pm   The lotions in the men's room have still not moved. Before you get discouraged, Voter LoLo has some encouraging words:
  I think it might take a few days to get the men used to the lotion idea. You're sort of working against decades of culturally ingrained behavior that women are programmed with...men need time to learn to pamper themselves in the bathroom and to go in groups. Give it a day or two and I'm sure it will happen.
  To think this simple act of bringing lotions into the men's room could make such a huge change in our society.
  
  A female Voter wanted to know more information about the popularity of these women's amenities. Yes, they are there, but do they get used? Two female coworkers were very helpful with the information (while another laughed at me from a distance).
  
  First, my coworkers think that these lotions and other items are provided by other women in the building, not by the building management itself. Second, they definitely see the lotions moving around so it seems they are getting used. Bottles get finished and are disposed of but they have yet to see a repeat bottle; once it's gone, it's gone. And third, some are definitely more popular than others. I was so inquisitive that one coworker went and grabbed all the lotions in their bathroom. The Victoria's Secret lotion and the Mango Jojoba lotion were both full when they were first brought to the bathroom and as you can see, they are both nearing the bottom of the bottle. The other two bottles seem to not get used much at all.
  
  Also, most of the women don't notice the carpet in the entrance way to their bathroom. Oh, what I would give for a luxury like carpet in the newly designated lotioning area of my men's room!


• 3:26pm  Still no movement whatsoever on the lotions in the men's room. This trip to the bathroom I actually picked them up and moved them around a bit, hoping it might look to others as if someone had used them.


• 5:01pm  The bottles have been moved! In my previous trip I kind of scattered them a bit and when I returned this time they were very neatly put back next to each other, once again against the wall.
  
  Someone might have used them! Or maybe the cleaning crew just tidied things up (they do clean during the day too). Sadly, we just don't know. We will just have to watch the lotion in the bottles and see if any disappears. They still look pretty full.

And that just about does it for today. I think I've live-blogged the heck out of two bottles of lotion. But I think we can agree that this was a necessary public service for all the bathroom-going men in the world.

Did we accomplish anything? That's a tough question to answer today. Only time will tell, really. Someday maybe all bathrooms will be equal and historians will look back on this post as the watershed moment. "I have a dream..."

Look for new posts down the road as the tale of the bottles progresses.