50 Air Guitarers Can't Be Wrong
"You haven't lived until you've seen the sun set over the Rockies."
"You haven't lived until you've felt the rush of jumping out of an airplane."
"You haven't lived until you've ran with the bulls in Spain."
"You haven't lived until you've seen 50+ people on stage all air guitaring their hearts out to Lynyrd Skynyrd's Free Bird"
Well, I have officially lived. Last week as part of the grand finale of the Washington, DC Regional US Air Guitar Championships, I witnessed a mob on stage at the 9:30 Club air guitaring through every second of Free Bird. Yes, that kind of air guitar. And yes, it was an actual competition. With judges. Heck, this was just a small potatoes regional championship. The winner of DC competes in New York City at the US finals. And the winner there competes at the World Championships in Finland (for the chance to win a real guitar, that as it was pointed out, the winner will likely not know how to play).
Here's how it worked: in the first round 24 people got up on stage one at a time and air guitared for a minute of a song of their choosing, and were scored by the judges. The five best scores moved on to the second round (scored like figure skating, which as we all know has a high score of six. Wait, am I the only one here that knows that off the top of my head?). At that point the finalists heard a surprise song together and in order of their scores improv'd air guitar to the music. Add up the scores and we have the best fake guitarist that will be representing DC in the US Championships.
Before you ask, YES, there is clear difference between the good and bad air guitarists. Performers can apparently even have that hard to pin down "it" quality, even if they are holding nothing but air in their hands.
For example, the first performer on stage gave it his all. He had the energy and the moves, the tight pants, he even had the mohawk hair. But he just tried too much too fast, ripping off his coat and immediately "playing" his "guitar" between between his legs, behind his back and even with his tongue. Impressive moves, but he wasn't feeling the music. Much later, the audience was treated to the real experts. One performer came out in a flannel shirt and straw hat slowly rocking to a twangy tune (in the same genre as "The Devil Went Down to Georgia") and built his performance up as the music picked up, eventually pulling an air fiddle out of nowhere and jamming with that too! The crowd went wild! (for the record, you must focus on air guitar during your routine, but other stringed air instruments are allowed as well). Another competitor threw his air guitar into the air, did a somersault and caught the guitar, ALL WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT (and without his air guitar evaporating into thin air)! And yet another...oh, just watch this video (he eventually went on to win).
From start to grand finale — which you can experience yourself thanks to video taken from the chaos on stage — this was all a sight to behold (seriously, everyone was air dedicated for the entirety of "Free Bird," which must be something like 87 minutes long).
But there is one problem. There were no female competitors (at least in DC). I know women can air guitar it out just as hard core as the men. I've seen you in the crowd at concerts; I've seen you in your cars at stop lights and traffic jams. Air guitaring women of Washington, DC: I'm calling you out. Let's see you on stage next year!
And remember, Make Air, Not War!
"You haven't lived until you've felt the rush of jumping out of an airplane."
"You haven't lived until you've ran with the bulls in Spain."
"You haven't lived until you've seen 50+ people on stage all air guitaring their hearts out to Lynyrd Skynyrd's Free Bird"
Well, I have officially lived. Last week as part of the grand finale of the Washington, DC Regional US Air Guitar Championships, I witnessed a mob on stage at the 9:30 Club air guitaring through every second of Free Bird. Yes, that kind of air guitar. And yes, it was an actual competition. With judges. Heck, this was just a small potatoes regional championship. The winner of DC competes in New York City at the US finals. And the winner there competes at the World Championships in Finland (for the chance to win a real guitar, that as it was pointed out, the winner will likely not know how to play).Here's how it worked: in the first round 24 people got up on stage one at a time and air guitared for a minute of a song of their choosing, and were scored by the judges. The five best scores moved on to the second round (scored like figure skating, which as we all know has a high score of six. Wait, am I the only one here that knows that off the top of my head?). At that point the finalists heard a surprise song together and in order of their scores improv'd air guitar to the music. Add up the scores and we have the best fake guitarist that will be representing DC in the US Championships.
Before you ask, YES, there is clear difference between the good and bad air guitarists. Performers can apparently even have that hard to pin down "it" quality, even if they are holding nothing but air in their hands.
For example, the first performer on stage gave it his all. He had the energy and the moves, the tight pants, he even had the mohawk hair. But he just tried too much too fast, ripping off his coat and immediately "playing" his "guitar" between between his legs, behind his back and even with his tongue. Impressive moves, but he wasn't feeling the music. Much later, the audience was treated to the real experts. One performer came out in a flannel shirt and straw hat slowly rocking to a twangy tune (in the same genre as "The Devil Went Down to Georgia") and built his performance up as the music picked up, eventually pulling an air fiddle out of nowhere and jamming with that too! The crowd went wild! (for the record, you must focus on air guitar during your routine, but other stringed air instruments are allowed as well). Another competitor threw his air guitar into the air, did a somersault and caught the guitar, ALL WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT (and without his air guitar evaporating into thin air)! And yet another...oh, just watch this video (he eventually went on to win).
From start to grand finale — which you can experience yourself thanks to video taken from the chaos on stage — this was all a sight to behold (seriously, everyone was air dedicated for the entirety of "Free Bird," which must be something like 87 minutes long).
But there is one problem. There were no female competitors (at least in DC). I know women can air guitar it out just as hard core as the men. I've seen you in the crowd at concerts; I've seen you in your cars at stop lights and traffic jams. Air guitaring women of Washington, DC: I'm calling you out. Let's see you on stage next year!
And remember, Make Air, Not War!
photo taken by flickr user dtnemail
Labels: air guitar, music, washington dc
