Hello Post-it

"What's that? Is that...a Post-it Note? In...in a bathroom?"

Yes. Yes it is. The fifth floor bathroom in my office building, to be more exact. I discovered it today when I was, well, you can imagine what I was doing. But I know what you're probaby thinking right now because I wondered the same thing when I snapped this picture. "What is a Post-it Note doing in a bathroom? Who would even bring a Post-it Note into a bathroom?"

There are many possible explanations, I suppose. Maybe it's a color sample for the new color the building manager will be painting the bathrooms. It could be a way to encourage graffiti without actually harming the stall wall. This could be 3M, makers of the Post-it Note, venturing into the toilet paper industry. I'm just not sure.

So I asked


As of 5pm on Friday 9:10am on Monday, I had not received an answer. I'll keep you (wait for it) posted.

UPDATE: As of noon on Tuesday, the post-it note has disappeared. I'm surprised it made it this long. However, I have received no answer my to question.

Porcupine Racetrack

Possibly the greatest skit in the history of The State. A musical about a Porcupine Racetrack. It really doesn't get much better than this, unless you memorize the lyrics after watching the skit over 100 times and sing along when playing the skit for others:

All parts are sung unless otherwise noted

GROUP Porcupine, porcupine, porcupine racetrack
Porcupine, porcupine, porcupine racetrack
Porcupine, porcupine, porcupine racetrack
Watch them porcupines go!

Go little porcupines, go go go!
Go little porcupines, don't be slow!
Go little porcupines, go go go!

DRUNK GUY Or I'll lose lots of dough.

Rich couple walking down stadium steps.

RICH GUY It's a marvelous day at the Porcupine Racetrack.
We'll watch them little porkies run.
The sun, the track, and porcupines.

RICH GUY'S WIFE A recipe for fun

The scene moves to a bunch of guys on the racing grounds in front of a chalkboard.

JIMMY [spoken]
Racing form Mr. Johnson?

MR. JOHNSON [spoken]
Why thank you Jimmy. Here, go get yourself a licorice whip

Mr. Johnson flips Jimmy a coin, who puts it in his mouth and bites it to make sure it's real.

BOOKIE Have I got a pick for you boys!
This porcupine has to win.

GROUP Yeah!

BOOKIE He's strong and fast and ready.

GUY READING PAPER WITH DEEP VOICE And loaded up with gin.

GUY MAKING A BET I'm putting my dough on Lightning, cause it says that he's a sure thing
And the odds are 5 to 4.
But boy I hope that he's not slow or
otherwise then this here Joe will be back on skid row!

Fast paced music starts. "Jimmy" dances, freezes his last dance move and falls over for his grand finale. It must be noted that doing this dance really is my specialty.

Scene moves to a priest, alone on the grounds.

PRIEST I know that I'm a sinner,
but I really need a winner,
or the orphanage will close.

Priest falls to his knees, pulls out his ticket and looks up at the sky

PRIEST So God if you're above,
and it's orphans that you love,
then please help the porcupine I chose.

We now see a lone porcupine, walking along the grounds

SLOWEST PORCUPINE IN TOWN I'm the slowest porcupine in town,
but knowing that don't get me down
It's just that they don't see
So when they blow that whistle
I will move my little bristles
'Cause there's nothing
Stopping
Me!

Camera pans out to show entire racetrack and all characters

GROUP At the porcupine
Porc-upine
Racetrack
Racetrack
Aaahh...

THE END

At this point I fall to my knees drained from my performance and in tears after riding such an emotional rollercoaster. Tell me that this musical isn't Tony Award material! You can't, because you know that it is! If someone can write Bat Boy: The Musical based on Bat Boy's Adventures in the Weekly World News then they can certainly write a heart-wrenching tale full of life-lessons based around The Porcupine Racetrack! Someone, please, MAKE IT SO!

Tune in Tokyo

During the winter when walking around with my iPod I could keep my hands free by carrying the device conveniently inside a roomy winter coat pocket. But I knew when summer came things would be a bit different — less clothes means less pockets, all if which aren't nearly as roomy as a coat's pocket. What's a boy to do? How am I supposed to walk hands free?

Luckily I discovered the convenience of a front pocket on my button down shirts. Man that thing comes in handy. And the material is so thin that I can often make adjustments to tracks and volume without even taking the iPod out of the pocket. However, I have noticed that when adjusting the volume, because of the placement of the pocket right over my nipple, things can look a little inappropriate. I don't know. What do you think?


Yeah, it's a close call, I agree. But it got me thinking: Are there other places I can hold my iPod that might not be quite so obscene? Well, let's find out:

PANTS POCKET

Well, that's not so terrible. It's a bit inconvenient because I have to reach down deep into the pocket to adjust the volume, but no one would gasp at me digging down there. But let's see if there might be a more convenient option.

roos POCKET

Oh how I wish this were possible, but it seems the fresh ROOS pocket isn't quite big enough for my iPod. Maybe if I had an iPod mini, or better yet, a Shuffle. But alas, it was not meant to be.

BACK POCKET
Oh, what about the back pocket of my jeans? As long as I'm careful not to sit down on the thing, this could work great! A convenient reach; it won't weigh me down too much — it really sounds perfect. But would my mother approve of the iPod placement?

Hmm? I'm not so sure. Maybe I should move on.

FRONT ZIPPER

No. In fact, I think God might actually smite me for even thinking about this option.

I think I'm all out of options. And what have we learned from this little experiment? Well, not much because I still don't know the best way to carry my iPod during the summer and now I'm thinking that I shouldn't even listen to my iPod when I'm in the presence of children.

Ask Not What Optimus Can Do For You...

A lot of people (at least 2 or 3 in the last year) ask me why I chose the url "voteprime.com" for my website. Since I'm lazy, rather than rewrite an explanation I'm just going to steal text from myself that I used explain the site years ago:

Voteprime is dedicated to getting Optimus Prime elected as student body president at Carnegie Mellon University. As you explore the site you probaby will not find much related to Optimus Prime, Carnegie Mellon, or student body elections. But just think of this as the dedication page of a novel, which also usually has nothing to do with the pages that follow it.

In my junior year of college, Optimus Prime - leader of the good guys in the Transformers and not actually a human being - came in a distant second in the voting for student body president. Mr. T was close behind in a tie for third. Of the estimated 5000 eligible voters on our campus, only about 400 students showed up to vote. I will admit that our student body was fairly aloof when it came to current issues. But it did not help that zero candidates campaigned, the election was not promoted, and the only place to vote was one table stuck in front of a building on campus. It was then that my friends and I decided that with a campaign Optimus Prime might just be able to win the elections. Not only would the campaign be fun for us, but it would show everyone just how absurd class elections are on the CMU campus. We'd start a revolution and open everyone's eyes.

Unfortunately, despite our big plans, we never really made an effort to get the campaign running. But I did register this URL.

So enjoy the site. But as you are reading whatever you are reading on these pages, always remember Optimus Prime and the good that he represents. Good that is buried deep inside a big pile of wrong, also known as the Carnegie Mellon University student body elections.

However, saying that we "never really made an effort" is not totally true. Last night I uncovered 2 posters created for the campaign done by voter Jon Sung. They are, as one might say, classic:
"If you were running, he'd vote for you!"
"Can your candidate beat up Megatron?"

Update: I have found the original elections results published in our school newspaper proclaiming Optimus Prime as the official runner-up of the Student Body Elections. Forgotten in history is that he actually made a stronger showing in the Treasury race. Seems robots will never quite be able to kick that "good with money" stereotype.

Additionally, even though both Optimus and Mr. T received votes, neither is an Activities Fee-paying student and thus ineligible for election. I am sure The Tartan editor enjoyed including that note.