Life on a Chain

A chain link license plate frame is an attempt to tell the world you're a bad ass, no? "You can't contain me, dawg! Not even thick metal chains can contain me! My other car is a tank with a big ass gun on the front. And my mother could kick your mother's ass." And so on.

So if you have a chain link license plate frame you have to drive your car appropriately. Feel free to rev the engine occasionally. If anyone looks at you funny just point to the rear of your car, they'll get the idea. Run through yellow lights. Ignore yield signs. ("ME, yield to YOU?! no no no, I don't think so!") Drive fast on local roads, even if there are kids around. Seriously, these things are all okay thanks to your license plate frame.

But with this new found freedom comes great responsibility. You cannot drive like a sissy. Think of them chains, kid! Here is an incomplete list of things you cannot do now that your car is officially labeled as tough juice.

AS A CHAIN LINK LICENSE PLATE CHAIN DRIVER YOU MUST NOT:
1. Drive just at or below the speed limit in the far left lane on the highway.
2. Slow down as you approach a green light at an intersection.
3. Accidentally leave your blinker on with no intention of turning.
4. Constantly tap on the breaks. You've got a need for speed!

And yet I've recently witnessed all of these happen at the wheels of chain link license plate frame drivers. For shame, you posers!

Or perhaps they were confused. Maybe they had intended to get into their other car, which has this license plate frame:


In that case, the above rules don't apply. With this license plate frame you can drive as you wish, you just have to do it all fancifully and with a little bit of flair.

Help Me Name My Cock

My new cock.


Isn't he beautiful?


He followed me home from the metro today and now he's watching over my apartment from my kitchen table. I'm not allowed to have pets in my apartment, but this guy's pretty quiet, so I think I can get away with keeping him a secret.

He doesn't have a name yet though. Help me name him. But first, I'll help you get to know him.

I noticed immediately that he's quite proud (as he should be. look at those beautiful feathers!).


But he can be sweet and demure when he wants to be.


And yet you definitely won't forget this face if you cross him in a dark alley.

Gives me shivers!

Coincidentally, he loves the Syracuse Orange, just like I do.


And he's already making friends with Chia Scooby.

This really says a lot because Chia Scooby picks his friends very carefully (him and the Beatles DO NOT get along. Long story for another time).

But don't forget the bling! He prefers his bling to be white and fuzzy.


So what's the perfect name for a bling wearing, orange crazed, proud, yet menacing and demure at the same time rooster who lives on my kitchen table? I'm open to all ideas. But be nice, because he's got his eye on you!